Hobson's choice (noun.) - a predetermined pick, falsely offered as a choice

I've always been confused about the different types of coffees. I would go into a coffee shop and stare at the menu for a while (hopefully I'm staring at it attractively) and just simply ordering a latte, because its a safe option. But I'm sure you all know, as Disney films keep on reiterating, that the safe option never gets anyone their handsome prince.

-insert smooth segue from Disney films to coffee-

I tried to order the coffees in order of strength, but most of it is a rough estima

Long Black
A Long Black is made by pouring a double shot of espresso over hot water. An Americano is basically the same thing except the hot water is poured over the espresso. Picky bastards...

Macchiato
Looks like a cappuccino, but is a lot stronger as it is a shot of espresso with a small amount of hot water and a 'dash' of milk. Who decided these vague measurement terms were exceptable?
 
Decaf
Coffee but with decaffeinated beans so theoretically you can't be classified into the category of abuser of a drug.

Dirty Chai
Chai with a single shot of espresso.

Cafe au Lait
This term is most frequently used in France (because it's french, do I really need to explain these things?) but who knows? You may or may not end up in some pretentious cafe and well...
It means pretty much "coffee with milk", it is generally to a ratio of 1:1.

Cappuccino
I'm quite sure most people know what a cappuccino is but just to be technical its espresso and foamed milk in the ratio of 5:6.

Latte
Technically called "Cafe Latte" but whatever. This is  a mixture of coffee with milk in a ratio of 2:1. It's usually got this foamy top bit on it, cue foam moustaches! :D

Skinny Latte
Latte with non fat milk

Soy Latte
Latte with soy milk.

Flat White
This is basically a latte but with no foamy milk, I don't understand coffee sometimes...

Mocha
It is a variant of the Latte with the same ratio of 2:1 (milk to coffee) but chocolate is added to it, in the form of a syrup, powder or a solid block.

Liquer Coffee
Espresso mixed with liquer, cream and sugar. For example Irish coffee is espresso mixed with cream, sugar and whiskey. Now you can be a caffeine addict and an alcoholic at the same time, multitasking!

Coffee Milk
Really more of a milk than actual coffee, but it comes in handy little bottles so I thought I'd recognise it for effort. Tiny, ridiculously small amount of sweet coffee syrup poured into milk, basically chocolate milk for caffeine addicts.

Frappucino
This is a specialty of Starbucks. I'm not really sure how to describe it, but it's pretty much a giant coffee flavoured slushie, with heart attack inducing amounts of whipped cream piled on top. Forget what you're doing and go get one now.

Cafe Bonbon
A shot of espresso with sweet condensed milk in a ratio of 1:1. Due to the denseness of condensed milk, it is added slowly into the espresso shot so the glass is then separated into two colour blocks of brown and white.

Affogato
Literally meaning "drowned" in Italian, an Affogato is a shot of coffee poured over ice cream. It's coffee for the weak, but it's absolutely delicious.

I'm pretty sure those are all the main ones. Now go forth younglings and caffeinate yourself to your heart's content.