quirk (noun. qwerk odd mannerism: a peculiar habit, mannerism, or aspect of somebody's character)

So I was just sitting there today taking this science test and I noticed that on the very back page was this very nearly blank page that said ANYTHING WRITTEN ON THIS PAGE WILL NOT BE MARKED in these huge capital letters and boldened and underlined and all that schmancy stuff. Of course, if you had any intelligence at all you would know not to write anything like that on a test paper but our teacher, being from the good oldy time strict India where children aren't allowed to so much as sharpen their pencils without the teacher's permission, didn't know that. So like the extremely intelligent, mature and developed homo sapien  that I am, I decided to waste about a sixth of my test time drawing dissected rabbits and writing things like A BIG POOPOO in my bestest and most elegantest handwriting. 

-Life's what you make of it.

Plenty More Fish

Dragons are one of the most well known and feared mythical beast. They are fairly easy to spot ie. Huge, wings, scaly, breathes fire, that sorta thing. I’m not gonna write down the entomology of the name and everything (which my book of dragons extensively covers) since if you ever face a dragon the only thing you will ever need to know is how to kill it or befriend it. But 100% guarantee the first is easier.

Of course you could just break into some high security government area and steal a nuclear weapon and just kaplomp it onto the dragon (will effectively kill 11 dragons, double the amount if they are small) but in doing so you will be breaking several trespassing, stealing, human safety and government privacy laws and may end up dead.

Guns are also ineffective as those meagre bullets will just bounce off their tough hide and if you’re really unlucky right onto you. Cannonballs are a more effective alternative to bullets but by the time you’ve aimed it and lighted it I’ll bet that the dragon has already eaten you.

This now leaves only a magic wand and a sword so unless you can obtain and operate the former I suggest starting to polish your sword skills. Once you have learnt how to use the sword the rest is rather simple as all you need to do is locate your nearest medieval castle and nick one of their shields and your ready to set off.

Once you are there locate the dragon with your heat vision goggles/binoculars/movement detectors/eyes and once you have appropriately lured or provoked it, just repeatedly wack at it, blocking its timed bursts of fire with your shield (I hope I mentioned it needs to be metal) and just keep going at your own leisurely pace until you get close enough to its head to lop it off.

Now you have your very own dragon head to mount on the space above your fireplace. Don’t have a fireplace? Why that’s shocking!

Serving Suggestion: While you’re at it chuck in a few smoke bombs to blind the dragon (may increase flammability so careful where you chuck it)

If you’re doing all of this to save a damsel in distress please don’t, I mean there’s plenty more fish in the sea or lake or pond or puddle (depending on your travel radius).

Insalubrious (in-sa-lu-bri-ous adj. Unwholesome: not pleasant healthy or wholesome)

Do you ever hear about people complaining about the bad quality of airplane food? Like-
Person#1: Awww... man the airplane food crap is total shit!
Person#2: Yeah... totes, like I thought I was gonna throw up.
Person#1: I didn't finish mine, just chucked the shit into the waste bag.
Person#3: No kidding dude... I gave mine to my dad. He eats anything.
Yeah, thats not how I usually talk, I think...
Anyways the point here is that those people are probably going on crappy western airlines like QANTAS and Jetline and Tiger Flying and the Kangaroo stars or whatever those stupid airlines are called and recieving dodgily microwaved food that was never meant to be microwaved. Whilst foods like steak and gravy and tuna pasta do indeed taste extremely scrummy, when they have been prepared in a premium non stick frying pan with fresh from the market ingredients, taste like total crap if they've been messily thrown into a
microwavaeble tin container and microwaved.
So this time when I went to Paris via the all marvelous EASTERN AIRLINES(yeah its chinese, China is AWESOME!) I was served by squinty eyed chinese flight attendants (no offence), sat in dodgy MADE IN CHINA seats, got to read Chinese magazines, had an ad for a CHINESE accountant firm stuck on my chair and WAS SERVED CHINESE FOOD. These foods unlike the sustenance on substandard European airlines had names like "Prawn noodle Curry"and "Fat Cow Rice Noodle" and "Dancing Moon Chow Mein" (No kidding, that was its real name). These foods were created by people who probably have never heard of the word nutrition and just stuffed whatever thing inside and then plopped in a bowl of noodles, followed by a entire can of oil. I've never tasted better *sighs lovingly*
So next time you look at your flight booking website and see Eastern Airlines right down the bottom of the list next to an unbelievably low price and rationalise that dodgy planes are always cheaper to make just remember the wisdom that I have imparted today and you'll be happy knowing that even if you die, you would have died having just eaten a bowl of scrumptious Dancing Moon Chow Mein (unless of course the plane crashes before dinner is served, pity on you).

-Life is whatever you make out of it.