Some dangers are impossible to avoid like a zombie apocalypse. Zombies also known as the “Living dead” tends to travel in large mobs and are notoriously hard to kill. However, luckily for you, they are extremely easy to identify. Due to the fact that they are dead zombies generally have a physical appearance of decay eg. grey-ish green skin that is having off their bodies, perpetually unhealing wounds and random arm movements. However, unluckily for you, because of modern plastic surgery technologies and bionic arms, legs, whatever zombie identification has become harder and harder.Unlike humans, zombies do not mate and therefore reproduces asexually by injecting their unique zombie juices into living humans via their teeth or nails. If a zombie ever happens to scratch or bite you, do not panic because there isn’t a cure anyway.
Zombie Apocalypses usually counts as big news (unless where you live has frequent zombie/human wars) so if you hear the news of a zombie apocalypse on Tv/radio/magical portal thingy react fast and make sure to grab the following items on your way out of your house:
#1-Map
The best place to hide during a zombie attack is probably a titanium clad safe house that is underground, preferably with numerous exits that have a one way swing door. But since those are hard to find and expensive to build (this is where the map comes in) find your nearest, preferably large, supermarket then lock all windows and doors and blockade all possible openings. A supermarket is a rather big place so you’ll find yourself with plenty of places to hide but the it is recommended that you seek safety in the spices aisle as if you find yourself being cornered by a mob of zombies you will have quick and easy access to salt, which temporarily sends the zombie back into its grave temporarily, thereby giving you plenty of time to consult your map (again) and find another supermarket.
#2- Some Form of Weaponry
Crowbars are one of the most well known ways to kill a zombie. By bashing them on the head you will very effectively destroy their brain however crowbars are usually heavy and will require some serious muscle power to lift and deliver a hard enough blow to the head.
Only use if there is no other options or if you specialise in weightlifting.
Fire is one of the easiest weapons to use, just pour some gasoline over the lot of them and chuck in a match and watch them slowly disintegrate whilst writhing in pain. However this method is slightly unstable as if you are careless your entire surroundings has a strong likelihood to go up in flames as well and if you have no exit options the zombies will be able to watch you disintegrate whilst writhing in pain while they disintegrate whilst writhing in pain.
Only use in open areas or places where fire isn’t a big threat eg. ice skating rink.
Guns are readily available in all good shops and presents little danger to the user however unlike humans zombies can only be killed with a shot to the head so if you are not an expert marksman you will find yourself wasting a lot of bullets.
Only use when if you are an expert marksman or if you have plenty of ammunition.
Be creative and find ways to make killing zombies both fun and productive. For more awesome ideas visit this link.
#3- Salt
See #1- Map
#4- Protective Clothing
Protective clothing is a vital part of surviving a zombie attack as it will protect you from zombie scratches and bites if you ever find yourself engaged in a battle with them. Following is a list of protective clothing.
Armour- Found in most antique stores/museums/costume shops/gothic castles this is probably one of the most effective in deflecting zombie attacks however its weight and clinky-ness makes it difficult for the wearer to move.
Biker’s Leathers- Does not provide quite the same level of protection as an armour but it is easier to access and will present the wearer with greater agility. However if attacked multiple times the leathers will break, leaving the wearer with no protection once again.
Layers- By piling layers and layers of clothing onto your body you will provide yourself with a meagre amount of defence. Cumbersome with little protection, only to be used when no other option is available
#5- Awesome, Epic Ninja Skills
Pretty self explanatory
If you ever find yourself trapped amongst a large crowd of zombies with no obvious way out without being ripped to pieces, stay calm. All you need to do is tilt your head to the side, drool a little, moan and limp slowly whilst holding your arms out in front of you. Zombies are pretty dumb (as would you if you’ve been brain dead for several years) so they won’t notice anyway.
If you’ve made it this far don’t worry in a few years all the zombies will eventually naturally die out and you can return to your former life just with a considerably less amount of people hanging around.
No comments:
Post a Comment