Necessity is the mother of invention!

Yeah I know, I said I'd post everyday. But I didn't. I don't keep my promises, get over it.
I really have nothing to post about.
Here's a picture of a pencil I made out of blu-tak with a real lead inside.

You can actually write with it. Patent pending...

Castration - (n.) I had that procedure a few years ago, it changed my life

A - Available Not sure what that means. It sounds like it has something to do with the availability switch on bathroom doors.
B - Best Friend
Seriously, we're only two questions in. We're getting awfully personal aren't we?
C - Crush
Ha.
D - Dog's Name
That's prejudiced against goldfish owners.
E - Easiest Person To Talk To
Myself. I always say the wittiest things.
F - Favorite Band
Coldplay or Death Cab for Cutie.
Or the Jonas Brothers. xoxoxoxo <3 luvs <3 xoxoxoxo #totes fab #great hair #ovaries eploding
G - Gummy Bears Or Worms
Worms, definitely worms.
H - Hometown
My hometown is where my heart is. Hometown, sweet hometown.
I - Instrument
I'm Chinese, I play the paino.
And the ukelele, guitar, harmonica and flute, but all very badly.
J - Job
Student. That's what it says on my passport under Occupation.
K - Kids
N/A
L - Longest Car Ride
I can't remember, I think I blocked it out of my memory. It's still there in my brain but I just painted it over with a pleasanter memory. My teeth slowly getting pulled out one by one, without anaesthetics, by a baby in a Robert deNiro costume.
It was very traumatic.
M - Milk Flavor
Coffee, but technically it's not coffee flavoured milk since theres more coffee than milk. It's really just cold coffee with milk in it. Like someone left their coffee cup around too long and a cow decided to pee in it.
N - Number Of Siblings
None, I have a cousin though. (I know extra information, I like to reward my avid readers when they least expect it.)
O - One Wish
I'd really, really like a churro.
P - Phobias
Cockaroaches and Cherry Ripe bars.
Q - Favorite Quote
"Friendship is like pee, everyone sees it but only you get the warm sensation that it brings." I may or may not have misquoted a little.
R - Reason To Smile
It takes less muscles to smile than to frown.
S - Song You Last Heard
The Man I Love - Cover by John Alcorn, no idea who wrote it originally.
T - Time You Woke Up
9:17am, it's Sunday.
U - Unknown Fact About Me
I wanted to be a funeral director when I was a kid.
V - Vegetable
Pickled gherkins. Yes, they are a vegetable. They're still green.
W - Worst Habits
biting my nails (such a cliche), clicking my tongue to fill awkward silences, buying spontaneously and irrationally, lie about stupid things (like on which side on the road I walked on that day), sleeping way too late, procrastinating, biting my pens, biting other people's pens, biting pens I found on the ground, forgetting to eat lunch, eating lunch multiple times in one day and killing babies.
X - X-Rays You've Had
I daydream about those sometimes...
Y - Your Favorite Food
Lasagne, nachos and basically anything with too much cheese and will definitely clog up your arteries and cause detrimental health problems in later life.
Z - Zodiac Sign
Virgo, as in the virgin.

But seriously, who knows if this was all true? Maybe you just read 70 (give or take) lines of lies. Maybe I actually hate gherkins, maybe I'm not a Virgo, maybe I actually do have a dog, maybe I do like the Jonas Brothers, maybe I didn't wake up at 9:17, maybe its not even Sunday. Maybe I'm actually a teenage girl, not the 43 year old man with alcohol problems, multiple divorces and neurotic tendencies that I claim to be.

I bet I just caused an existential crisis.

This was reposted from my friend, Vanessa's, blog. Click on the link, it'll change your life, like butterscotch benadryl (seriously, they are not paying me a single cent to do this) changed mine.

Meerkat sperm- (n.) the start of a wonderful idea

I'm back. Like literally I'm back. Like the Terminator 'is back' after promising to 'be back' except I'm not the Terminator (-1 cool point for me) and I didn't promise anything.
So yeah, I'm back.
Back from where you may ask. I'm back from absolutely no where at all, I have no life. I'm pretty sure we've established that already though. I've just been sitting here all this time, not posting anything so you'd think I'm busy doing things. It was all just a desperate ploy for your attention.
I had actually established a far more complex plan than that. It involved several cryogenic capsules, a time machine, meerkat sperm and a muesli bar ( They don't pay for advertising, I swear. Scout's honour.). But I couldn't get my hands on a. Single. Goddamn. Muesli bar.

My therapist is going to give me some stronger meds soon. Yay! Totes excited!

Back to the original discussion, I promise I'll post more often, at least once a day , even if it's just a sentence. So yeah, I'm back and I'm ready to rock and roll! Not literally, I hate rock and roll.

But this is just wonderful, his voice makes me want to kill babies.

A Detailed Analysis of the Film "Prometheus"

It scared the crap out of me.

Trailer for Prometheus

Shameless (Adj. untroubled or unaffected by shame, especially in situations where others would be ashamed)

I apologise for the shameless advertising going on in the previous post but you must understand that recently I have created a remix of Nokia’s trusty ringtone and all advertising is good advertising?

A picture of my Shack-in-a-hole.

Anyways, I and the homeless man, who rests outside my shack that I built in a hole, spent a really long time on that video and it would just make my day (and the homeless man’s) if you went and commented on the video and tell me just how awesome it is.

Oh, what was that you said? What’s the homeless man’s name?

Well he’s called Edmund, I named him after my long lost friend-who-is-a-stick, who I found dead just the other day. You see he didn’t have a name when he first came to my shack-in-the-hole so I lent him my friend-who-is-a-stick’s name and now that he’s dead, the homeless man can keep it forever. Well at least until he dies too, which I think is very soon, seeing how he’s starting to hack up blood. I think it’s the pneumonia he caught in the cold.

Pardon, I couldn’t quite catch that. Oh, why you don’t just bring Edmund into your shack where it’s warm, you say.

Please, I have standards. 

This One's for you, Wilfred (What a nagger)

It feels so strange to be writing in my blog again after discovering a whole new world outside my computer where there are real trees and fresh air! However at the urging of a strange being I had

encountered in my journeys to the outer-where”, I post again. *cue dramatic music*

Field Notes

It has come to my attention that outside the comfort and safety of my lair there exists a strange land (I shall call it the outer-where”[see above]) that is filled with bacteria and locusts. The locusts are my friends but the bacteria have just simply been wreaking havoc my near invincible immune system, yet seeming to have no effect on the native populace.

Ah, yes, the native populace (I shall call them the outer- beings”[see above]), after continuous observations of these creatures I have deduced their ingenious outwittance of this ‘bacteria’. I plan to submit in my work and hopefully (definitely) receive at least a knighthood for my efforts.

The outer-beings seem to use a unique language of their own that involves a series of tongue rolls and noise issuing from a special organ that I found in a dissected "outer-being” called a voice box, when said in a sequence the noises seem to have magical effects. This is seen in the strange phrase “bless you”. Consisting of two separate words: “bless” (verb. to bestow holiness on somebody or something in a religious ceremony) and “you” (pronoun. refers to the person or people being addressed or written to). When said immediately after a sneeze, it seems to negate the spray of bacteria filled saliva. How? I do not know. Maybe the locusts do. (Click the link! Click the link!)

My Sincerest Apologies

I'm so sorry to all my adamant readers that I havn't posted in such a long time but I was very busy this holidays doing nothing.

So for those who give a damn here's an update on my life:
- I went to Thailand! Yay!
- I cut off all my long hair in my bathroom because I was feeling snazzy that day.
- I no longer feel snazzy.
- I made gingerbread men.
- My name apparently means sparkling sea.

I'll post something I promise.
Does anyone know a theme I can base my blog on because it's starting to seem really random.